ONE YEAR AGO...

This story is inspired by the introduction to Sideways Stories from Wayside School. Before we dive into the fan‑fiction, let’s take a quick look at what the introduction is about.

INTRODUCTION — SUMMARY

The introduction is very short, but it contains one unforgettable detail: Wayside School was supposed to be built horizontally, with thirty classrooms in a row. Instead, the builder accidentally constructed it vertically, creating a thirty‑story tower with one classroom on each floor. Because an elevator wasn’t part of the original plan, every student and teacher at Wayside School has to climb the stairs to reach their classroom.

It was Monday. Louis woke up early, grabbed his jacket and headed to school. As he crossed the street, he chuckled to himself. 'This is funny,' he thought. 'We only have the land where the school will be. We don't even have the school yet.'

He stopped at the hot dog stand across from the empty lot. "Good morning, Miss Mush," he said.

"Good morning, Mr. Louis," she replied. "Two hot dogs as usual?"

"Just call me Louis," he said. "And make it four today. I'm meeting the contractor this morning."

Miss Mush's hands flew as she prepared the hot dogs. "When are they finally going to build the school?"

"They were supposed to start last Tuesday," Louis sighed, watching her add mustard and ketchup. "But there were some problems with the plans."

Miss Mush handed him a warm, steamy bag. "Here you are, Louis. I hope there won't be any problems this week."

"I hope so too," Louis said, counting the hot dogs. "Wait! You gave me five instead of four. Let me pay for the extra one."

"Don't worry about it," she said with a smile. "It's on the house."

Louis paused, thinking. "You know, Miss Mush. We're looking for a lunch teacher for the new school. And you're the best cook I've ever met. Would you like to work with us?"

Miss Mush laughed. "Build the school first, Louis. If I like it, I'll definitely consider it."

Louis grinned, pulled out a hot dog, and took a big bite. "Perfect," he said, crossing the street toward the construction site.

A tall man in a hard hat stood between a crane and a bulldozer. he checked his watch as Louis approached.

"Good morning, Mr. Smith!" Louis called.

"You're late, Mr. Louis," Mr. Smith replied.

"Only five minutes," Louis said with a laugh.

Mr. Smith shook his head. "Time is money."

"You're right," Louis admitted. "And we don't have much money. Sorry I'm late. Do you want a hot dog?"

"No, thank you. I've already had breakfast."

"They're the best in town," Louis insisted. "Go on! Take one."

Mr. Smith sighed, grabbed a hot dog, and took a huge bite. "Busy day today," he said between gulps. "Since we're starting construction tomorrow, we need everything ready."

Louis scratched his head. "Yeah, about that. I'd like to discuss the school design with you."

"Again?" Mr. Smith groaned. "We've gone over the design a thousand times. Please don't tell me you want to change it."

"Well," Louis began. "I have some concerns about the layout. I think the school should be built horizontally, not vertically."

"Horizontally?" Mr. Smith blinked. "You want thirty classrooms on the same story? Why?"

"Some teachers don't like that the library, cafeteria, and administration office will be on different floors," Louis explained. "Can't we fix that?"

Mr. Smith rubbed his forehead. "I'm not sure. A horizontal building means more digging, more concrete, more everything. I'm afraid we'll have to build vertically."

"Why?"

"Because building horizontally costs more time, more materials, and more money."

"More money?" Louis yelped. "We don't want to spend too much money!"

"Exactly," Mr. Smith said. He reached into the bag and took another hot dog. "Besides, a horizontal school would leave less room for outdoor space. You don't want a tiny playground, do you?"

"We need the playground to be as big as possible," Louis agreed. "All right, Mr. Smith. We'll build vertically."

Mr. Smith shook Louis's hand. "Very good. It will be a thirty-story building with thirty classrooms: one on each floor."

Louis rubbed his chin. "Then we'll need an elevator, won't we?"

"I'm afraid we don't have enough money for that," Mr. Smith said. "Everyone will have to use the stairs."

Louis frowned. "Hmm. Miss Mush might not like that."

"Is she the owner of the school?" Mr. Smith asked. 

"No," Louis laughed. "Miss Mush will be the lunch teacher."

"If the children can climb the stairs, Miss Mush can climb the stairs too," Mr. Smith declared.

Louis nodded. "You're right."

HUNGRY

This story is my response to the final scene of Chapter 1, when Louis eats the apple on Mrs. Gorf's desk; a moment that's both dramatic and ironic. Before we get to my fan-fiction, let's take a quick look back at Chapter 1, "Mrs. Gorf," from Louis Sachar's Sideways Stories from Wayside School.

CHAPTER 1. MRS GORF - SUMMARY

On the thirtieth story of Wayside School, Mrs. Gorf uses her strange magical powers to turn her students into apples, one by one. Louis, the yard teacher, has heard rumors that Mrs. Gorf is unusually mean. So, he climbs all the way up to investigate, unaware that she has accidentally transformed herself into an apple. When Louis enters the classroom, he notices an apple on the teacher's desk and eats it, not realizing it is Mrs. Gorf herself.

Louis was having a strange dream when the alarm clock went off. He jumped out of bed and rubbed his eyes. 'It's Friday,' he thought. 'The best day of the week.'

He went to the kitchen for breakfast but noticed the cereal box was almost empty. "I'll just drink a glass of milk," he muttered. "If I get hungry, I can always have a couple of Miss Mush's specials."

When he got to school, he suddenly remembered he hadn't washed the balls the day before. And they weren't just dusty. Most of them were coated in dirt and dried mud. So, he hauled them all down to the big bathroom in the basement and blasted them clean with a powerful hose. When he was done, he set them on the drying rack and headed to the playground to make sure everything else was in order.

Louis turned a corner and almost bumped into Miss Mush, the lunch teacher. She looked very upset. 

"Good morning, Miss Mush," he said. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm coming from the dumpster," she groaned. "I had to throw away most of the food."

Louis felt a sharp pang of hunger. "Why? What happened to it?"

"I mixed up the sugar and the salt," Miss Mush explained. "My special smelled like sweet mud. I nearly threw up when I tasted it."

Louis's stomach growled. "Then what are we going to eat for lunch?"

Miss Mush shrugged. "I don't know, Louis. I'm sorry, but there's no special today." Then she hurried up the stairs toward the cafeteria.

The bell rang, and all the children poured outside for recess, except the ones on the thirtieth floor.

"Where's Todd?" Louis wondered aloud.

He had noticed something odd: most of the students from the thirtieth story hadn't come out for recess in days. 

Just then he spotted Dameon playing tetherball. "Hey, Dameon!" Louis called. "Come here a moment. I want to ask you something."

Dameon dropped the ball and ran to the far corner of the playground.

Louis frowned. "There's definitely something strange going on."

Then he saw Jenny playing hopscotch alone. He crept behind her and whispered, "Don't be scared."

Jenny spun around. "I'm not afraid of you, Louis," she laughed.

"Good. Then maybe you can tell me what's happening in Mrs. Gorf's class."

Jenny's expression changed. "Why do you think something is happening?"

"Come on, Jenny. You can talk to me. I've heard Mrs. Gorf is pretty mean. Is she being mean to you?"

Jenny shook her head. "Nothing's happening in our class, Louis. Leave me alone."

"I know something's going on," Louis insisted. "I haven't seen most of your classmates for days. They love recess. Why aren't they out here with you?"

Jenny hesitated. "They've got work to do," she said. "Everyone's been working really hard."

"Even Todd?" Louis asked. "Where is he?"

Before she could answer, the bell rang. Jenny dashed back inside without another word.

Louis returned the balls to the sports gear room and locked the door. After a long morning of work, he felt exhausted and starving. The thought of having no special for lunch made his stomach twist. But what worried him even more was Todd and the rest of the thirtieth-floor kids.

"There's something strange here," he muttered. "I'd better check Mrs. Gorf's class again."

He had visited the thirtieth story before, and the students seemed to love Mrs. Gorf. But he still wasn't sure everything was fine. 

Louis climbed the stairs to the top of the building as fast as he could. He pushed open the classroom door without knocking.

All the children sat at their desks, but the teacher was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Mrs. Gorf?" Louis asked.

No one answered.

He scanned the room. Most of the students were busy stuffing books into their desks, then pulling them out again. Todd stared at the ceiling, chewing his lip.

Then Louis noticed a bright red apple on the teacher's desk. His stomach almost screamed.

"Boy, am I hungry," he said. "I don't think Mrs. Gorf would mind if I ate this apple."

He picked it up, shined it up on his shirt, and took a big bite.