Ruining All the Fun

This story is inspired by Deedee’s efforts to get a green ball in the fifteenth chapter of Louis Sachar’s Sideways Stories from Wayside School. Before we dive into the fan‑fiction, let’s take a look at Chapter 15, “Deedee.”

CHAPTER 15. DEEDEE — SUMMARY

Deedee always wants to get a green ball from Louis, or at least a red one. But because she has to run down thirty flights of stairs to reach the playground, she always arrives after Louis has already handed out all the good balls. Every recess, Deedee tries a new strategy to get to the schoolyard faster: she takes the stairs ten at a time, she cuts across the grass like a professional runner, and she even asks Mrs. Jewls to let her go to recess early. Nothing works. Eventually, she disguises herself as a dead rat, and because Mrs. Jewls doesn’t allow dead rats in her classroom, Deedee suddenly finds herself outside on the playground, first in line to ask Louis for a green ball.

At recess, Dameon never made the teams. He always ended up on the bench under the chestnut tree, waiting for someone to slip or get tired so he could take their place.

He was watching the clouds drift behind Wayside School like a playful herd of white sheep when he heard quick footsteps pounding across the volleyball court. He turned just in time to see Deedee’s sneakers tearing a line through the grass. She reached the monkey bars, checked her watch, and bent over, panting.

Dameon stood and walked toward her.

“Is that a stopwatch?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Deedee nodded between breaths. “Yup. There are fifty yards from the school entrance to the monkey bars.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dameon chuckled. “I’m terrible at guessing distances.”

Deedee tapped the stopwatch. “I can run it in ten seconds now. If I get it down to eight, I’ll reach Louis before Todd does.”

“Why do you need to beat Todd?”

“To get a red ball. Or at least a green one,” she said. “Todd always ends up with the last green ball.”

“But you don’t have to kill your lungs for it,” Dameon laughed. “You’ll make the teams even if you’re not the one who gets the ball.”

Deedee brushed dust and grass off her ankles and jogged back toward the school steps to try again.

“Hey, Dameon!” someone called.

He turned. Todd was waving from the kickball field.

“Did someone get tired?” Dameon asked.

“Nope,” Todd said. “Come sit on the bench.”

Dameon headed back toward the chestnut tree. “I was telling Deedee she can join our teams,” he said. “Or she can sit with me until there’s a free spot.”

“Deedee’s trying to get the ball herself,” Todd replied. “Leave her alone. You’re ruining her fun.”

Dameon snorted. “Did you see her purple face? She didn’t look like she was having fun.”

The next day, neither Todd nor Deedee bothered to chase Louis for a ball. Instead, they slipped behind the school, where Deedee began running back and forth across the porch.

Suddenly she sprinted toward the edge, jumped off, and tucked her knees to her chest, spotting her landing point like a hawk. Dameon watched in awe as she touched down on the balls of her feet beneath the older chestnut tree near the fence. She bent her knees and held her arms out for balance.

“Oh my gosh!” Dameon shouted, rushing to her. “Deedee, are you okay? What happened?”

“Deedee is fine,” Todd called from the porch. “Relax, dude.”

He crouched and offered his hand so Deedee could climb back up.

Dameon frowned. “Does Louis know what you two are doing? What is going on?”

“Nothing,” Todd said. “I’m teaching her parkour. That was a precision landing.”

“Precision landing,” Dameon repeated. “What does she need that for?”

Deedee grinned. “Look. When the bell rings, everyone rushes down the stairs. Some kids take two or three steps at a time. I need to take ten steps at a time if I want a red ball. Or at least a green one. That’s why I need precision landing.”

Dameon stared at her. “That’s crazy,” he whispered. “Let me get the ball for you. You don’t have to do all this.”

Todd squinted at him. “What’s your deal, Dameon? Do you like Deedee?”

“I don’t like Deedee!” Dameon blurted. His face turned bright red. “I mean, I like her, but not that much.”

“Then leave her alone,” Todd said. “She just wants to get the ball herself.”

The next morning, Dameon tried to forget all about Deedee and her bizarre training. He didn’t make the teams again, but Todd told him to wait on the bench until someone slipped or got tired.

He was watching the clouds drift across the kickball field when he noticed something strange behind the school. The crown of the chestnut tree was shaking violently, even though there wasn’t a breath of wind.

He stood and walked toward it.

Suddenly Deedee burst out of the tree like a launched firework, plunging toward the ground faster than a ball Terrence kicked over the fence. For a moment, Dameon was sure she was going to die.

But she bounced, flipped in the air, and landed on her feet. Two long elastic cords stretched from her waist to the branches above.

He sprinted to her. “Deedee! Are you okay?”

“Better than you are,” she laughed, unclipping the cords. “This is just bungee jumping.”

“I know what bungee jumping is!” he gasped. “But why are you doing it?”

“You know I look like a mousy little girl,” she said. “Tomorrow I’ll pretend to be a dead rat. Mrs. Jewls will throw me out the window. I’ll be the first one to reach Louis. Red ball guaranteed.”

“But you’ll break your neck, won’t you?”

“Not if I use these bungee cords,” she declared. “I’ll carry them in my backpack.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just carry a red ball?” Dameon asked.

“Leave her alone, dude,” Todd called from behind. “You’re ruining all the fun.”