NUMB

This story is inspired by Dana’s troubles in the eleventh chapter of Louis Sachar’s Sideways Stories from Wayside School. Before we dive into the fan‑fiction, let’s take a look at Chapter 11, “Dana.”

CHAPTER 11. DANA — SUMMARY

One day, Mrs. Jewls is teaching arithmetic, but Dana complains that she can’t concentrate because of her mosquito bites. Mrs. Jewls insists on continuing the lesson, claiming that arithmetic is the best cure for an itch. She keeps giving the students arithmetic problems to solve, and when Dana finally adds up all her mosquito bites, she’s surprised to discover that they’ve magically stopped itching.

Louis was the first teacher to arrive at school. He strolled around the building, checking that no stray balls or hula-hoops had been left on the field or forgotten in the bushes. The morning sun warmed his face, and the birds in the treetops chirped as if greeting him personally.

Just as he headed toward the entrance, a sharp sting jabbed his elbow. He slapped his arm and found a mosquito flattened in a tiny smear of blood.

“Small but painful,” Louis muttered. “I hate vampires.”

He cleaned the spot carefully. He knew better than to scratch. Scratching only made things worse.

A sudden uproar rose from the front of the school. A long line of students spilled out of the bus, racing up the stairs toward their classrooms. Long after the last one had disappeared inside, Dana appeared, panting and crawling forward at the speed of a tired snail. Her enormous backpack made her look even smaller.

“Did you pack your whole room in there?” Louis joked.

Dana shook her head silently and trudged up the steps like an underwater crab moving in slow motion.

At recess, the students burst out of the building again, filling the playground with shouts and wild energy. Louis’s multicolored balls were tossed, bounced, and kicked until every one of them turned the same dusty brown. When the bell rang, the children vanished back inside, leaving Louis alone with the mess, and wondering how he could gather the balls without ruining his brand-new training suit.

While hauling an armful of basketballs toward the underground bathroom, he nearly bumped into Dana, who was climbing the stairs from the basement.

“Dana!” Louis exclaimed. “What are you doing down here?”

Dana shrugged. “Emergency,” she said with a little laugh. “You know. I had to go.”

Then she darted up the stairs toward Mrs. Jewls’s classroom.

Louis shook his head, smiling.

At lunchtime, he spotted Dana again, this time sitting alone at a narrow table in the far corner of the cafeteria, right next to the big refrigerator. She looked small and miserable, hunched over her tray and nibbling at a tiny sandwich.

Louis sat beside her. “What are you doing here?”

Dana frowned. “What do you mean? I’m having lunch.”

“Far from everyone else, in the corner of the room?” he asked. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Nothing’s going on,” she muttered. “This is my favorite table.”

Louis studied her. She was leaning against the refrigerator door, one leg pressed firmly against the cold metal.

“Something’s going on,” he said. “And I’m pretty sure it has to do with this fridge.”

“What fridge?” Dana asked, feigning surprise.

“The fridge you’re glued to,” Louis laughed. “You look like you’re trying to take all the cold out of it. Are you hot or something?”

Dana sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll tell you.”

She stuffed the last bit of sandwich into her mouth, drained her Capri Sun, and then held out her arms.

“Mosquito bites,” she whispered.

Louis nodded. “I hate mosquitoes too.”

“I mean I’m covered in mosquito bites,” she moaned. “They itch all the time.”

“Don’t scratch them,” Louis warned. “Scratching makes them worse.”

“Too late!” Dana cried. “My whole body itches so much I could scream.”

“Did you try calamine lotion?” Louis asked. “It helps with itching.”

“I know,” Dana said. “But I can’t use it at school, can I?”

“No, I guess not,” Louis admitted. “So, what are you going to do?”

Dana leaned closer. “The best way to fight an itch is to make your skin feel nothing. When does your body feel numb?”

“In winter, when it’s cold?” Louis guessed.

“Exactly!” Dana said. She tapped the refrigerator. “That’s why I’m sitting here. In class, I press my legs against the metal frame of my desk.”

Louis blinked. “Wait. I think I know what you were doing at recess.”

Dana grinned. “I was charging up more numbness. There’s a big pipe down there with super-cold water. If I lean on it for a minute, my mosquito bites go numb for almost an hour.”

“And your backpack?” Louis asked. “You looked like the world’s largest snail this morning.”

Dana pointed at her empty juice pouch. “My backpack is full of half-frozen Capri Sun bags. I need them whenever I feel like I’m about to scratch again.”

The bell rang, and the students hurried back to class, including Dana.

Louis looked at the mosquito bite on his arm and pressed his elbow against the fridge door. He yelped and jumped back.

“Too cold for me,” he groaned.

INVISIBLE

This story is inspired by the ice‑cream flavors Mrs. Jewls creates in the ninth chapter of Louis Sachar’s Sideways Stories from Wayside School. Before we dive into the fan‑fiction, let’s take a quick look at what Chapter 9, “Maurecia,” is all about.

CHAPTER 9. MAURECIA — SUMMARY

At first, Maurecia is wild about ice cream and brings a cone to school every day. But after a while, she grows tired of her favorite flavor. Even though she tries many others, she eventually loses interest in ice cream altogether. To solve this problem, Mrs. Jewls invents a brand‑new flavor: Maurecia‑flavored ice cream. Unfortunately, Maurecia can’t taste her own flavor, so Mrs. Jewls creates a unique flavor for every student in the class. Maurecia loves them all, but Todd‑flavored ice cream becomes her favorite.

Louis was excited. He had heard about Mrs. Jewls’s ice cream experiment, and he couldn’t wait to taste a Louis flavored cone.

“I’m sorry, Louis,” Mrs. Jewls said. “I can’t continue this. I need to focus on what I do best: teaching. I’m not a professional chef.”

Louis’s face drooped like a melting scoop. He couldn’t believe he was going to miss such a great opportunity.

“But Mrs. Jewls,” he sighed, “the children loved your ice cream. Why don’t you write down the recipe, and we’ll ask Miss Mush to create new flavors in her kitchen? The whole school will be thrilled.”

“I don’t know about this,” Mrs. Jewls muttered. “My recipe was just a personal experiment. Using it in the cafeteria might be dangerous.”

“Nonsense!” Louis exclaimed. “Miss Mush is the best chef I’ve ever met. She’ll make the best ice cream in the world.”

Louis was right. As soon as Miss Mush heard about the project, she got straight to work. She used Mrs. Jewls’s recipe, but she added her own creativity.

By Monday, Miss Mush was ready.

The first kid to enter the cafeteria was Calvin. He had forgotten his lunch at home. Again.

He spotted a giant sign: ICE CREAM MAGIC. But the display underneath was filled with empty bowls.

“Where’s the ice cream?” Calvin asked.

Miss Mush leaned in. “Right there,” she whispered, pointing at the emptiness. “It’s invisible.”

Calvin frowned. “I’m not very hungry today,” he said, backing away.

“Wait,” Miss Mush said.

She switched off the lights. Suddenly the empty bowls glowed in the dark: pink, silver, green, and colors no one had invented names for yet.

“What’s your favorite flavor?” she asked.

“Wow, invisible ice cream,” Calvin muttered. “Do you have anything with peanuts?” He loved peanuts.

Nobody else in Mrs. Jewls’s class wanted to try Miss Mush’s ICE CREAM MAGIC. Nobody except Kathy and Maurecia. Kathy chose lemon, of course. She always had a sour attitude. Maurecia wanted Todd flavored ice cream. Surprisingly, Miss Mush had made that flavor too.

The next morning, Calvin forgot his lunch again. At lunchtime, Todd waved him over.

“Why are you so forgetful these days?” Todd laughed. He opened his lunch bag. “Take anything you want. I packed too much.”

“Thanks,” Calvin said, picking up a banana. He peeled it carefully and took a bite.

Todd stared. Then he hurried over to Louis.

“Did you see that?” Todd whispered. “Calvin picked a banana. It was right next to a bag of peanuts.”

“So?” Louis said.

“Calvin is crazy about peanuts!” Todd cried. “Something’s wrong with his memory.”

Across the room, Kathy approached Miss Mush for a glass of milk.

“There’s no milk today,” Miss Mush said. “But we have fresh lemonade.”

Kathy scowled. “Lemonade? What’s that?”

Miss Mush blinked. “You don’t know what lemonade is? It’s juice made from lemons.”

Kathy threw up her hands. “What are lemons?!”

The cafeteria gasped. Lemons were Kathy’s favorite fruit.

Just then, Maurecia walked in.

“Maurecia,” Todd warned, “don’t eat Miss Mush’s ice cream again. There’s something weird about it.”

“Stand aside, little tyke, or you’ll be sorry,” Maurecia snapped. She could beat any boy in Mrs. Jewls’s class.

“Little tyke?” Louis laughed. “This is Todd, Maurecia!”

“Who’s Todd?” she asked.

Louis and Todd exchanged a worried look. The yard teacher sighed.

“Miss Mush,” he said, “I’m afraid you’ll have to stop serving ICE CREAM MAGIC. Starting now.”

Miss Mush was shocked. “Why?”

Louis squinted at the ceiling. “I can’t remember why. But it’s important. Nobody should eat that ice cream anymore.”

Miss Mush removed every glowing bowl and tossed them in the dumpster. Later that day Mrs. Jewls asked her who else had eaten ICE CREAM MAGIC, but Miss Mush couldn’t remember.

And so, strange things continued to happen at Wayside School. But maybe that was just because everyone’s memory was working in new and unusual ways now.

ONE YEAR AGO...

This story is inspired by the introduction to Sideways Stories from Wayside School. Before we dive into the fan‑fiction, let’s take a quick look at what the introduction is about.

INTRODUCTION — SUMMARY

The introduction is very short, but it contains one unforgettable detail: Wayside School was supposed to be built horizontally, with thirty classrooms in a row. Instead, the builder accidentally constructed it vertically, creating a thirty‑story tower with one classroom on each floor. Because an elevator wasn’t part of the original plan, every student and teacher at Wayside School has to climb the stairs to reach their classroom.

It was Monday. Louis woke up early, grabbed his jacket and headed to school. As he crossed the street, he chuckled to himself. 'This is funny,' he thought. 'We only have the land where the school will be. We don't even have the school yet.'

He stopped at the hot dog stand across from the empty lot. "Good morning, Miss Mush," he said.

"Good morning, Mr. Louis," she replied. "Two hot dogs as usual?"

"Just call me Louis," he said. "And make it four today. I'm meeting the contractor this morning."

Miss Mush's hands flew as she prepared the hot dogs. "When are they finally going to build the school?"

"They were supposed to start last Tuesday," Louis sighed, watching her add mustard and ketchup. "But there were some problems with the plans."

Miss Mush handed him a warm, steamy bag. "Here you are, Louis. I hope there won't be any problems this week."

"I hope so too," Louis said, counting the hot dogs. "Wait! You gave me five instead of four. Let me pay for the extra one."

"Don't worry about it," she said with a smile. "It's on the house."

Louis paused, thinking. "You know, Miss Mush. We're looking for a lunch teacher for the new school. And you're the best cook I've ever met. Would you like to work with us?"

Miss Mush laughed. "Build the school first, Louis. If I like it, I'll definitely consider it."

Louis grinned, pulled out a hot dog, and took a big bite. "Perfect," he said, crossing the street toward the construction site.

A tall man in a hard hat stood between a crane and a bulldozer. he checked his watch as Louis approached.

"Good morning, Mr. Smith!" Louis called.

"You're late, Mr. Louis," Mr. Smith replied.

"Only five minutes," Louis said with a laugh.

Mr. Smith shook his head. "Time is money."

"You're right," Louis admitted. "And we don't have much money. Sorry I'm late. Do you want a hot dog?"

"No, thank you. I've already had breakfast."

"They're the best in town," Louis insisted. "Go on! Take one."

Mr. Smith sighed, grabbed a hot dog, and took a huge bite. "Busy day today," he said between gulps. "Since we're starting construction tomorrow, we need everything ready."

Louis scratched his head. "Yeah, about that. I'd like to discuss the school design with you."

"Again?" Mr. Smith groaned. "We've gone over the design a thousand times. Please don't tell me you want to change it."

"Well," Louis began. "I have some concerns about the layout. I think the school should be built horizontally, not vertically."

"Horizontally?" Mr. Smith blinked. "You want thirty classrooms on the same story? Why?"

"Some teachers don't like that the library, cafeteria, and administration office will be on different floors," Louis explained. "Can't we fix that?"

Mr. Smith rubbed his forehead. "I'm not sure. A horizontal building means more digging, more concrete, more everything. I'm afraid we'll have to build vertically."

"Why?"

"Because building horizontally costs more time, more materials, and more money."

"More money?" Louis yelped. "We don't want to spend too much money!"

"Exactly," Mr. Smith said. He reached into the bag and took another hot dog. "Besides, a horizontal school would leave less room for outdoor space. You don't want a tiny playground, do you?"

"We need the playground to be as big as possible," Louis agreed. "All right, Mr. Smith. We'll build vertically."

Mr. Smith shook Louis's hand. "Very good. It will be a thirty-story building with thirty classrooms: one on each floor."

Louis rubbed his chin. "Then we'll need an elevator, won't we?"

"I'm afraid we don't have enough money for that," Mr. Smith said. "Everyone will have to use the stairs."

Louis frowned. "Hmm. Miss Mush might not like that."

"Is she the owner of the school?" Mr. Smith asked. 

"No," Louis laughed. "Miss Mush will be the lunch teacher."

"If the children can climb the stairs, Miss Mush can climb the stairs too," Mr. Smith declared.

Louis nodded. "You're right."

HUNGRY

This story is my response to the final scene of Chapter 1, when Louis eats the apple on Mrs. Gorf's desk; a moment that's both dramatic and ironic. Before we get to my fan-fiction, let's take a quick look back at Chapter 1, "Mrs. Gorf," from Louis Sachar's Sideways Stories from Wayside School.

CHAPTER 1. MRS GORF - SUMMARY

On the thirtieth story of Wayside School, Mrs. Gorf uses her strange magical powers to turn her students into apples, one by one. Louis, the yard teacher, has heard rumors that Mrs. Gorf is unusually mean. So, he climbs all the way up to investigate, unaware that she has accidentally transformed herself into an apple. When Louis enters the classroom, he notices an apple on the teacher's desk and eats it, not realizing it is Mrs. Gorf herself.

Louis was having a strange dream when the alarm clock went off. He jumped out of bed and rubbed his eyes. 'It's Friday,' he thought. 'The best day of the week.'

He went to the kitchen for breakfast but noticed the cereal box was almost empty. "I'll just drink a glass of milk," he muttered. "If I get hungry, I can always have a couple of Miss Mush's specials."

When he got to school, he suddenly remembered he hadn't washed the balls the day before. And they weren't just dusty. Most of them were coated in dirt and dried mud. So, he hauled them all down to the big bathroom in the basement and blasted them clean with a powerful hose. When he was done, he set them on the drying rack and headed to the playground to make sure everything else was in order.

Louis turned a corner and almost bumped into Miss Mush, the lunch teacher. She looked very upset. 

"Good morning, Miss Mush," he said. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm coming from the dumpster," she groaned. "I had to throw away most of the food."

Louis felt a sharp pang of hunger. "Why? What happened to it?"

"I mixed up the sugar and the salt," Miss Mush explained. "My special smelled like sweet mud. I nearly threw up when I tasted it."

Louis's stomach growled. "Then what are we going to eat for lunch?"

Miss Mush shrugged. "I don't know, Louis. I'm sorry, but there's no special today." Then she hurried up the stairs toward the cafeteria.

The bell rang, and all the children poured outside for recess, except the ones on the thirtieth floor.

"Where's Todd?" Louis wondered aloud.

He had noticed something odd: most of the students from the thirtieth story hadn't come out for recess in days. 

Just then he spotted Dameon playing tetherball. "Hey, Dameon!" Louis called. "Come here a moment. I want to ask you something."

Dameon dropped the ball and ran to the far corner of the playground.

Louis frowned. "There's definitely something strange going on."

Then he saw Jenny playing hopscotch alone. He crept behind her and whispered, "Don't be scared."

Jenny spun around. "I'm not afraid of you, Louis," she laughed.

"Good. Then maybe you can tell me what's happening in Mrs. Gorf's class."

Jenny's expression changed. "Why do you think something is happening?"

"Come on, Jenny. You can talk to me. I've heard Mrs. Gorf is pretty mean. Is she being mean to you?"

Jenny shook her head. "Nothing's happening in our class, Louis. Leave me alone."

"I know something's going on," Louis insisted. "I haven't seen most of your classmates for days. They love recess. Why aren't they out here with you?"

Jenny hesitated. "They've got work to do," she said. "Everyone's been working really hard."

"Even Todd?" Louis asked. "Where is he?"

Before she could answer, the bell rang. Jenny dashed back inside without another word.

Louis returned the balls to the sports gear room and locked the door. After a long morning of work, he felt exhausted and starving. The thought of having no special for lunch made his stomach twist. But what worried him even more was Todd and the rest of the thirtieth-floor kids.

"There's something strange here," he muttered. "I'd better check Mrs. Gorf's class again."

He had visited the thirtieth story before, and the students seemed to love Mrs. Gorf. But he still wasn't sure everything was fine. 

Louis climbed the stairs to the top of the building as fast as he could. He pushed open the classroom door without knocking.

All the children sat at their desks, but the teacher was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Mrs. Gorf?" Louis asked.

No one answered.

He scanned the room. Most of the students were busy stuffing books into their desks, then pulling them out again. Todd stared at the ceiling, chewing his lip.

Then Louis noticed a bright red apple on the teacher's desk. His stomach almost screamed.

"Boy, am I hungry," he said. "I don't think Mrs. Gorf would mind if I ate this apple."

He picked it up, shined it up on his shirt, and took a big bite.