This story is inspired by Dana’s troubles in the eleventh chapter of Louis Sachar’s Sideways Stories from Wayside School. Before we dive into the fan‑fiction, let’s take a look at Chapter 11, “Dana.”
CHAPTER 11. DANA — SUMMARY
One day, Mrs. Jewls is teaching arithmetic, but Dana complains that she can’t concentrate because of her mosquito bites. Mrs. Jewls insists on continuing the lesson, claiming that arithmetic is the best cure for an itch. She keeps giving the students arithmetic problems to solve, and when Dana finally adds up all her mosquito bites, she’s surprised to discover that they’ve magically stopped itching.
Louis was the first teacher to arrive at school. He strolled around the building, checking that no stray balls or hula-hoops had been left on the field or forgotten in the bushes. The morning sun warmed his face, and the birds in the treetops chirped as if greeting him personally.
Just as he headed toward the entrance, a sharp sting jabbed his elbow. He slapped his arm and found a mosquito flattened in a tiny smear of blood.
“Small but painful,” Louis muttered. “I hate vampires.”
He cleaned the spot carefully. He knew better than to scratch. Scratching only made things worse.
A sudden uproar rose from the front of the school. A long line of students spilled out of the bus, racing up the stairs toward their classrooms. Long after the last one had disappeared inside, Dana appeared, panting and crawling forward at the speed of a tired snail. Her enormous backpack made her look even smaller.
“Did you pack your whole room in there?” Louis joked.
Dana shook her head silently and trudged up the steps like an underwater crab moving in slow motion.
While hauling an armful of basketballs toward the underground bathroom, he nearly bumped into Dana, who was climbing the stairs from the basement.
“Dana!” Louis exclaimed. “What are you doing down here?”
Dana shrugged. “Emergency,” she said with a little laugh. “You know. I had to go.”
Then she darted up the stairs toward Mrs. Jewls’s classroom.
Louis shook his head, smiling.
At lunchtime, he spotted Dana again, this time sitting alone at a narrow table in the far corner of the cafeteria, right next to the big refrigerator. She looked small and miserable, hunched over her tray and nibbling at a tiny sandwich.
Louis sat beside her. “What are you doing here?”
Dana frowned. “What do you mean? I’m having lunch.”
“Far from everyone else, in the corner of the room?” he asked. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Nothing’s going on,” she muttered. “This is my favorite table.”
Louis studied her. She was leaning against the refrigerator door, one leg pressed firmly against the cold metal.
“Something’s going on,” he said. “And I’m pretty sure it has to do with this fridge.”
“What fridge?” Dana asked, feigning surprise.
“The fridge you’re glued to,” Louis laughed. “You look like you’re trying to take all the cold out of it. Are you hot or something?”
Dana sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll tell you.”
She stuffed the last bit of sandwich into her mouth, drained her Capri Sun, and then held out her arms.
“Mosquito bites,” she whispered.
Louis nodded. “I hate mosquitoes too.”
“I mean I’m covered in mosquito bites,” she moaned. “They itch all the time.”
“Don’t scratch them,” Louis warned. “Scratching makes them worse.”
“Too late!” Dana cried. “My whole body itches so much I could scream.”
“Did you try calamine lotion?” Louis asked. “It helps with itching.”
“I know,” Dana said. “But I can’t use it at school, can I?”
“No, I guess not,” Louis admitted. “So, what are you going to do?”
Dana leaned closer. “The best way to fight an itch is to make your skin feel nothing. When does your body feel numb?”
“In winter, when it’s cold?” Louis guessed.
“Exactly!” Dana said. She tapped the refrigerator. “That’s why I’m sitting here. In class, I press my legs against the metal frame of my desk.”
Louis blinked. “Wait. I think I know what you were doing at recess.”
Dana grinned. “I was charging up more numbness. There’s a big pipe down there with super-cold water. If I lean on it for a minute, my mosquito bites go numb for almost an hour.”
“And your backpack?” Louis asked. “You looked like the world’s largest snail this morning.”
Dana pointed at her empty juice pouch. “My backpack is full of half-frozen Capri Sun bags. I need them whenever I feel like I’m about to scratch again.”
The bell rang, and the students hurried back to class, including Dana.
Louis looked at the mosquito bite on his arm and pressed his elbow against the fridge door. He yelped and jumped back.
“Too cold for me,” he groaned.
