HAIR DRIVE

The following story focuses on Joe, the main character in Chapter 3 of Sideways Stories from Wayside School. Before we dive into the fan‑fiction, let’s take a quick look at what the third chapter is about.

CHAPTER 3. JOE — SUMMARY

There seems to be a strange connection between Joe’s inability to count and his curly hair. When Mrs. Jewls discovers that Joe doesn’t know how many hairs he has, or even how to count properly, she keeps him in during recess to practice. But by the end of recess, Joe still can’t count correctly, which makes him sad. Mrs. Jewls reassures him that one day he’ll simply wake up and know how to count. The chapter ends happily: the next morning, Joe suddenly becomes good at math and is finally able to count all his curly hairs.

Joe had curly hair. All the other boys in Mrs. Jewls's class had straight hair. A couple of girls had wavy or curly hair too, but Joe was the only boy whose hair looked like an explosion in the slinky factory.

Every morning, Joe spent more than half an hour trying to tame it. He stood in front of the tall mirror on his closet door, armed with a big comb and two hairbrushes, hoping to look neat and tidy like his best friend John. But no matter how hard he tried, his hair always ended up looking like the back of a stray sheep.

When Joe got to school, he met John on the stairs.

"Hi, Joe," John said. "Did you comb your hair this morning?"

Joe tried to run a hand through his curls. It got stuck in a knot right on his forehead. "I woke up late today," he lied. "I barely had time for breakfast."

At lunchtime, Joe headed to the cafeteria. They had just finished math, and his brain was still a jumble of numbers and fractions.

"Hey, Joe!" John called. He was already sitting with Myron and Todd. "Over here!"

Joe sat down and opened his lunch bag. "I brought my own lunch," he said. "I just came for a glass of milk from Miss Mush."

"Me too," John laughed. 

Todd pointed at Louis, who was eating at a nearby table. "Louis is the only one eating Miss Mush's special today. He's already finished a whole bottle of ketchup."

Louis waved at them. "Boys, how would you like a free haircut?"

"Are you a barber too, Louis?" Myron asked.

Louis shook his head. "There's a barber downstairs giving free haircuts today. I"m trying to finish lunch fast so I can get mine."

Joe didn't feel excited. Barbers always had trouble cutting his hair. But John, Todd, and Myron were curious. They gulped down their food and ran downstairs. Joe followed them quietly.

Outside, behind the basketball court, they found a colorful pickup truck with a small trailer attached. A big sign read:

HAIR DRIVE - THE NEWEST BARBERSHOP IN TOWN.

FREE HAIRCUTS TODAY!

Just then, Louis stepped out of the trailer. he looked so neat and handsome that the boys almost didn't recognize him.

"Hey, Louis," Todd called. "You look like you're going to your own wedding!"

Louis grinned, ran a hand through his hair and hurried off to fetch the green and red balls.

"Should we get our hair cut?" John asked.

"I don't know," Joe said. "My hair doesn't work in regular barbershops."

"I just want a trim," Myron said. "My hair already looks perfect."

He was right.

"Welcome, boys!" the barber said. He was tall, with a sharp haircut and a mustache twice as perfect as Louis's. "Who's first?"

"Me!" Todd shouted.

Todd and Myron were done quickly because they only needed a little trimming. When John sat in the chair, the barber studied his hair for a minute.

"What if we switch your part to the other side?" he suggested. "It'll make your look ten years younger."

"I don't want to look like a baby!" John protested.

"You know what I mean," the barber chuckled.

A few snips later, John looked like he had stepped out of a gift box.

"Thank you!" he said, admiring himself in the mirror.

"Now it's your turn," the barber said, turning to Joe.

Joe shook his head. "I can't. My hair is curly. It's almost impossible to cut."

"What are you talking about?" the barber laughed, pointing at his own head. "I have curly hair too. Do you like my haircut?"

Joe nodded. "It looks perfect."

"So it's not impossible," the barber concluded.

"Do you cut your own hair?" John asked.

"My wife does," the barber said. "She a barber too. Pretty good, right?"

Joe hesitated. "Okay," he sighed. "I just want a trim."

"Your hair needs a lot of trimming," the barber joked. He gestured to the chair. "Hop in."

Joe sat down. The barber grabbed a metal can, sprayed a handful of shiny foam, and worked it through Joe's curls. He brushed, snipped, clipped, and shaped with two different pairs of scissors. Joe closed his eyes.

When he opened them, he gasped.

"Wow! I don't know how you did that. I have the thickest hair in the whole class."

"I know," the barber said. "I counted fifty-five thousand and six hairs on your head."

Joe nodded. "And they're all curly."